The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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