My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
