i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
