Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
