I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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