if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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