Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
