I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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