the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
