my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
