thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
