I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
