where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
