Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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