I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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