oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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