i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
