Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
