I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
