y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
