Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
