No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
