I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
