No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
