I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
