Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
