When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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