butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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