You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
