I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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