One girl and one boy is just not enough.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
