What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
