i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
