If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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