The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
