My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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