They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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