I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
