I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
