I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
