it's like her boobs came off with her bra
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
