brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
