All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
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If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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