your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize