I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
