He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
