her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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