i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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