i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
