We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
