i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
