Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
