I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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