Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
In America we eat man semen.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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