Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
