The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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