You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
