This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
