i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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